MST3K Drinking Game
Yo! I’m something of an MST3K fan, being someone who talks obnoxiously through movies myself, and though I’m not a drinker, I couldn’t help but notice some recurring motifs, if you will, in the show and movies they watch. So, to add to your Spring Break, here is a Drinking Game to turn the already hilarious show into a potential safety hazard. I know this isn’t a complete list, but feel free to add or subtract from it if you want.
For Joel/Mike and the Bots
Take a sip if:
- Crow calls “kitty!” at an animal onscreen. Take another if the animal in question is not actually a kitty.
- The riffers make a comment about moral dissonance in a film or short i.e. racism, sexism, proper etiquette.
- The riffers make jokes about food when a fat guy is on screen and/or prominently featured in the movie.
- The riffers describe a male actor as “doughy.”
- The riffers describe a male actor as having a “big face.”
- The riffers interpret a scene as darker than the actual meaning. (For example, Merlin will kill you if you don’t believe in magic, the kids in Uncle Jim’s Farm are there against their will, etc.)
- The riffers react in horror/fear/disgust at something that is supposed to be charming.
Take a shot if:
- A sight gag occurs. This involves Mike or Joel getting up, walking around, throwing the puppets around, or using a prop. This also includes interacting with the screen (for example, Crow leaning over to whisper something in the ear of someone onscreen.)
- The riffers make a joke about two characters being gay.
- The riffers hear an accent and begin imitating it. Take another if they all do it at once.
- Tom makes “fat-guy noises.”
- The riffers recite song lyrics. Not sing them, just recite them.
- A comment is made about the amount of clothing a female actor is wearing (either too much or too little.)
- The riffers yell, “Shut up!” at someone onscreen.
- The riffers reference a previous film they’ve viewed. Take another if Mike gets/makes the reference if it was originally made in the Joel era.
- Something in the film reminds Mike of his home town.
- The bots express a desire for therapy.
- If the riffers notice an actor that looks like a celebrity and refer to them afterwards as said celebrity. (Again, only one shot per film.)
- A scream of horror is made when a male actor is wearing too little.
- The bots make a joke about sex or express lust (even though they’re robots.)
- Joel says some variant of the line, “I can’t stop! I don’t know how it works!”
- The riffers actually like a character in the film. Take another if the character is a villain or antagonistic in some way.
- A joke from one of the bots makes Mike or Joel laugh. Take another if the laughter seems to be unscripted.
- The bots insult Mike. Finish your drink if this results in a physical fight.
Finish your drink if:
- Joel/Mike and the Bots break into a song. It has to be a full song with lyrics, at least five seconds long.
- Tom breaks down and starts crying.
- The riffers outright boo the film.
- Someone stays in the theater after the others have left.
- Someone other than the “main three” sits in the theater, either Pearl, the Mads, or anyone else.
- The Mads appear to have succeeded, even briefly.
- Joel raises his voice.
- The riffers express a desire to hurt cast and crew members.
- The riffers try to leave the film early. Early as in before the end credits.
For the film/shorts themselves:
Take a sip if:
- You don’t really get why the short was made. (Why make a video about the Circus on Ice?)
- If the short has a narrator, take a sip if the narrator says something that makes you cringe.
- At some point, a variant of the sentence, “Now you make the call!” is said.
- If it’s a short about safety, take a sip if the short makes you paranoid.
- For informational shorts, take a sip if the subject matter is incredibly depressing. (Just once for the whole thing.)
- For any detectable instance of the Hays Code. (For knowledge of what the Hays Code is, check TV Tropes.)
Take a shot if:
- The film features a big-name actor who should really know better.
- The main character is an unappealing turd (just once per movie for this one. You don’t want to die.)
- The film features a giant monster rampaging through a city.
- A special effect is bad enough to make the riffers laugh.
- The film warns you about how “shocking” or “scary” it is.
- An unappealing sex scene occurs.
- A moment in the film is boring as tar.
- The film stars Joe Don Baker.
- The film is obviously dubbed. Take another if there is a scene in the original language of the film.
- A song sung by the actors occurs in the film. Take another if the riffers start dancing.
- If a child in the film is very obviously dubbed by an adult.
- Any detectable instance of Dawson Casting, when an actor is meant to be playing a character who is much younger than they. (For instance, a woman in her forties playing a college student.)
- An actor’s performance is bad enough to make the riffers laugh.
- An actor blatantly refuses to act.
- The movie is in a post-apocalyptic setting. Take another if the setting doesn’t actually look all that bad.
- The movie features a side character that is way more competent and useful than the main character.
Finish your drink if:
- Something totally unexpected and out of nowhere happens i.e. the random guy at the end of The Deadly Bees. Basically any Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
- Leonard Maltin gives it two-and-a-half stars.
- The film appears to be unfinished.
- The film has a “twist ending.”
- They take out the Hitler Building.
- Everyone seems to be named Steve.
Warning: Do this at your own risk. Angels Revenge will have you drinking soooo many shots.
Prepare yourselves for death.
Move over kale, there’s a new superfood in town and it’s here to end world hunger.
The could-be hero is called breadfruit although it doesn’t really seem like a fruit at all. It’s large with prickly skin and tastes like a baked potato or — you guessed it — bread when prepared.
Breadfruit grows on tall trees in tropical areas like Hawaii, Samoa, and the Caribbean. It’s high in energy from carbohydrates, low in fat, and has more potassium than 10 bananas.
But how will this tropical fruit feed the world?
According to the National Tropical Botanical Garden (NTBG), more than 80% of the world’s hungry live in tropical or subtropical regions — the type of environment that is perfect for growing breadfruit trees. These trees are very easy to maintain and can bear an abundance of fruit for decades.
Organizations like Global Breadfruit and NTBG’s Breadfruit Institute are dedicated to promoting the superfood and spreading it to areas of the world that need it most. “Every time we plant one of these trees, we’re reducing the susceptibility to famine and starvation in the country where the tree is going,” said Josh Schneider a horticulturist and partner to Global Breadfruit.
And then in a month you will see it in wholefoods where white people will pay $20 for it and all the people it was supposed to help will instead be making criminal wages so some disgusting dirty hipster can ignore whiteness and condescendlying look down on others for what they can afford to eat.
Imma need folks to reread that bolded a good 10 times until the point sticks
lmao we been known about breadfruit
it’s a staple in a lot of west indian households, we grow it on my parents farm
white people stay late to everything
white people think they discovered food
wtf lmaooo breadfruit is called kos in Sri Lanka and we’ve been eating it forever and a dayyyyyyyy you can eat kos when it’s still green, you can eat it when it’s full-ripe and you can eat it when it’s over-ripe and pungent. you can roast the seeds. you can make curry. you can eat it like yams. literally kos is the greatest thing ever and if i see this in whole foods i’m going to shove one on the head of every white hipster with dreadlocks
…The fact that they’re so earnestly being like “IF WE BRING THIS TO SUB TROPICAL REGIONS WE COULD FEED THE PEOPLE THERE” when the people there have been eating it for years and years and years is just SAD. SMH, fellow white people-stop acting like things only start to exist when we “discover” them. Just. Shut. Up.
P.S. If breadfruit becomes like quinoa and white people wanting it drives the prices up so native people for whom it’s been a staple for years suddenly can’t afford it so Joe Blow at Whole Foods can buy it and brag about how, like, environmentally friendly he is…I will cut someone.
Reblogging this for the commentary.
My dad said in Dominica it is called yampen or something like that. But yeah please don’t Columbus this too!!!!
FOR BOLDED: But yeah please don’t Columbus this too!!!!
Tom is a prophet for our times.
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman,1970s
This is you. This is where all your thoughts are kept. Every other part of your body is used to protect and sustain this.
I want to cry
it’s weirdly comforting to know that all of the meaningless bullshit society judges me on is just a meatsuit made to support the terrifying tentacle beast that is my true form (◡‿◡✿)
THAT LAST COMMENT. BAM.
Gabourey Sidibe continues to live the dream